Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
