Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
