I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
