he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
