at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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