im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
