I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
