the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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