i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
