matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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