She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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