I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
