finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
