I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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