That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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