Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
