we have officially lost it.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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