Dual....:-)
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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