WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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