This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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