he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
