If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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