I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
