we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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