Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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