Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
