I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
