Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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