his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
