Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
