i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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