Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
