You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
