i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
