i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
