Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
