Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
