Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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