He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
