you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
