im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
