She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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