I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
