Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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