I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
