can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
