i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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