There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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