im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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