so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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