My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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