Screwed.edu
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
