I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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