i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
