forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
