why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
