you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
