They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
