Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
