one two three fourrrrnication!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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