i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
