I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
