He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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