I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
