craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
