I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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