I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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