I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
