It's Friday. Sex?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
