I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
