My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
