He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
time to smoke my breakfast
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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