So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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