is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
