also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
