So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm always down for nudity.
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