census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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